And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
