Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
