My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
