listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
