if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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