is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
