i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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