he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
