One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
