Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
