oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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