Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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