I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
