soooo we both peed the bed last night...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
