hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
