all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
