If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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