she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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