I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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