smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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