I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
