He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
