it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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