i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
