Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
