So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
