My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
