How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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