dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
