I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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