I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
