Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
