Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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