If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
