his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
