woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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