I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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