Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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