I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
