five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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