NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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