just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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