The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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