"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
