If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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