Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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