he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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