its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
