the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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