he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
