marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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