This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize