Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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