i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
