since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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