One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
