it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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