grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The air taste purple.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
