I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
