I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
