we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
