Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
