I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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