Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
