hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
