I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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