Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The beer is more important than you right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
