And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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